How to Get Along with a Roommate (Even If They’re Nothing Like You)
Advice on how to navigate a new living situation
It's natural to feel nervous about the changes ahead. Sharing a room with someone new can often feel like a leap into the unknown.
Before You Move In: Start with the Right Mindset
Whether you found your roommate through the housing portal, connected on Instagram or even knew them back home, living together requires patience, flexibility and a bit of perspective. With that in mind, approach the experience with open communication, mutual respect and a willingness to compromise. You don't need to be best friends to get along; you need to listen, speak up when necessary and give each other space to grow. A little effort can go a long way in turning a shared room into a shared understanding.
Set Expectations Early and Stay Flexible
Greg Madrid, Sacred Heart University’s executive director of residential life, offers valuable guidance for students preparing for life with a roommate. With years of experience supporting students, Madrid noted that being best friends with your roommate isn’t necessary, and it shouldn’t be the expectation. “You don’t have to be best friends with your roommate,” he said. “The main expectation should be that your roommate respects you and the space you are living in.” A respectful foundation, rather than a forced friendship, is what creates a positive and manageable living environment.
That kind of mutual respect doesn’t just happen, but it is something you both must work toward. One of the best ways to start is by being clear early on. Talk about the small stuff that might seem second nature to you but could be completely different from what your roommate is used to. What time should the lights go out? How often are you okay with visitors in the room? How often should the space be cleaned? Madrid recommended being “clear about your expectations in the beginning and working to compromise on things you do not see eye-to-eye.”
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Read MoreAlways Ask and Communicate
It’s easy to assume that your roommate knows what bothers you, but most of the time, they probably don’t. Maybe they grew up in a loud household or they’ve always studied with music blasting. What might seem annoying to you could just be their normal. That’s why Madrid encourages students to stay open-minded. “Assume your roommate is a good person, and just because something they do may bother you, it is not because they are trying to annoy you,” he said.
When something does start to bug you, speak up calmly. Honest communication is usually all it takes to fix the issue. “Most people just need to know their behaviors are bothering others so they can make a change,” Madrid said. Keeping everything bottled up builds tension. A quick, respectful conversation can go a long way.
A Roommate Can Teach You More Than You Think
It’s okay if you have separate friend groups or different interests. However, finding small ways to connect, like bonding over the same iced coffee order or watching a television show together, can make your shared space feel more comfortable. Getting to know each other beyond just being roommates can help smooth out the rough patches.
Living with someone new will always come with some challenges, but with a bit of communication, compromise and curiosity, it can also be one of the most rewarding parts of your college experience.
And remember, SHU’s Resident Student Assistants (RSA) are a helpful resource! They help build community within your residence hall and help you acclimate to college life.
Still have some questions? Residential Life compiled a list of frequently asked questions to better serve students. If you have a question that is not listed, contact reslife@sacredheart.edu.
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